dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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