i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
