Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
