Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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