i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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