Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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