Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
