so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
