Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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