Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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