This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Two words: blizzard sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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