i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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