jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she woke up with a sticky ear
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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