i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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