I'm eating all of the evidence.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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