i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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