I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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