And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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