How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
