okay pat passed out under dana's car
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize