If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
