I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
