I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
