had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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