all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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