y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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