Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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