OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Of course I have a pirate flag
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
