seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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