I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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