I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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