i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
