Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
