Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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