I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
