Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
