And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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