remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
