Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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