My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
