Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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