I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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