Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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