I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
