I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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