I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
