I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
