i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
