operation harelip BJ is a go
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
