I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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