What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize