I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
