I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
