i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
