I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
