i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
