No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
