so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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