Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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