i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
