It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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