How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
