What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
